Grayson's Birth Story

Well, I've been thinking about blogging for a while now but it just seems like there are always things to do. Feeding every couple hours, cleaning (cause I just can't help it), resting, trying to figure out health insurance, and mostly just spending time with family and friends. But right now I'm going to take a few minutes to type out Grayson's birth story.

It already seems fuzzy, even after just one week. Brandon was showing me a few pictures yesterday that he took while I was in labor and it definitely feels like someone else went through all that and not me. When you're in labor, you just have to detach yourself from the world and focus on one thing: getting through each contraction. But back to the beginning.

I went in on Wednesday, July 17th for my regular appointment and my blood pressure was high. I think it was high because I knew that I was going to let Carrington (my midwife) sweep my membranes, which I was hoping would trigger labor. I knew it would be uncomfortable and I was also excited about having my baby soon. But she checked my blood pressure again and it was even higher and that made Carrington a little nervous. She told me that she would go ahead and sweep my membranes and if I wasn't in the hospital in labor that night, that I needed to come back with Brandon with our bags packed and have my blood pressure checked again. If it was still up, she would be sending me to lunch and then to the hospital.

Wednesday night I had some mild contractions. I walked and tried to get things going but other than feeling crampy and not sleeping well, nothing serious was happening. So we packed our bags and the carseat and got ready to go.  I remember telling Brandon that after all this, if my blood pressure was down and we were told to wait, I would probably be disappointed. I was just so ready to meet my son.

So we headed to Harmony and my blood pressure was still high. Carrington had talked to Dr. Womack and they had agreed that it would be best for me to go ahead and get induced. I had talked to a couple friends and although having pitocin really worried me, I still felt confident that I could go through with the non-epidural birth that I wanted. I wanted to do it because I knew I could and because I really felt that the recovery would be easier if I could get up and move around, and because I REALLY didn't like the thought of a needle going in my back or not being able to feel my legs.

We called the family and friends that were planning on being at the hospital and told them we would call again for them to come when we were settled. Brandon and I were told to meet Carrington at the hospital at 12:30 which gave us time to go grab lunch. I picked chik-fil-a and we headed there. It felt so surreal knowing we were headed to the hospital to have our baby. We actually ended up getting to the hospital at around 12:00 because we just couldn't wait. It took a while to get checked in and up to our room. Per my birth plan - I got a room with a tub!! Exciting right? NOT. I couldn't get in due to pitocin. They did, however, put portable monitors on my belly so I could walk around and get in the shower.  I got hooked up to the monitors, was asked a billion questions and then she finally started my IV (which was just fluids) and then FINALLY at 2:00 they started the pitocin. I was just ready to get going.

This is where I only know times and the process because Brandon and I wrote it down as best we could remember the next day.  I didn't really feel any contractions for a long time and they upped the dosage every half hour. My family came around 4:00 and I started feeling them a little bit. Then Brandon's family arrived at about 4:30 and I was having to walk around and breathe through contractions. At 5:00, Carrington came back to check on me and she said that I was now dilated to 5 cm! I was pretty excited and she told me I had two options: we could either stop the pitocin, let me rest and start again in the morning, or she could go ahead and break my water and it would be go time. I didn't see the point in starting over, so I told her to go ahead and break it.  Breaking the water didn't hurt at all but it DEFINITELY got things going. After that I had to work through every contraction and I was starting to feel a little miserable. Sometime during this time, Joy (one of my great friends and my "support" person during labor) suggested I get in the shower just for a change of pace. I'm not sure how long I was in there but it seemed like a long time.  At this point, it was just Brandon, Heidi (my best friend) and Joy in the room which was good because I had lost all dignity and was just walking around without clothes on.  The worst part was getting out of the shower because my IV fell out. Heidi assured me it was ok (she's a nurse and knows these things) but I was mad cause I knew they'd have to put me back in bed and stick me again (IV's in the side of your wrist are not comfortable)

At 7:00, Carrington came back and checked me and I was at 7 cm. I was glad to know that I was actually progressing but even as everyone cheered my progress, I was wishing that I was at 9 cm. Not long after Carrington kicked everyone out of the room and had me "focus" which meant that I had to sit on the toilet and rock through contractions or squat on the bed. Both of these hurt tremendously but she assured me that they made things progress more quickly and it really was a good thing so I just pushed through each one. Brandon was absolutely amazing through all of it. He encouraged me to drink water, put the fan in my face when I wanted it and took it away when in the next 10 seconds I said I didn't want it. He asked questions for me and just encouraged me the whole time that I was doing a great job and that I could do it. I do remember thinking at about 8:00 that Grayson would definitely be born on the 18th. I was wrong of course but I remember thinking "There is no way I will make it through 4 hours of this."

Around 10:00 I was almost to 10 cm.  Carrington ended up having me "push" to try to get from 9 cm to 10 cm while she tried to move the last part of my cervix out of the way - OUCH. Once I got to 10 cm I was apparently swollen from pushing and she had me breathe through some contractions before we started the real pushing.  "Breathing through contractions" and not pushing was hard and way more painful.  Finally around 10:45 or so, she told me I could start pushing.  I wanted my mom and Brandon's mom and Joy and Heidi to be there and Carrington said normally that was too many but they would make it work so they started clearing the room for everyone to fit. But she wanted me to push a bit and get going before we brought everyone in. At this point, I pushed for two hours. We tried every position possible and it was hard work. I really felt like I was doing good pushing but he just wouldn't budge. At around 12:45 Carrington left the room for a "bathroom break" where I think she really may have been consulting with Dr. Womack. She came back in and checked me one last time and told me she thinks the last thing we could try was doing an epidural and seeing if this relaxed me enough to bring him down. She said she knew I didn't want to do pain meds, but at least the epidural would be there in case I did end up having to have the c-section.

After 2 hours of pushing, pain, and exhausting every muscle in my body, an epidural sounded great. What was not so great was how long it took Dr. Fisher to arrive. Those 15 minutes of continuous contractions (they had upped my pitocin to help strengthen my pushing) was the worst pain I had ever felt. I remember up until this point I had done a good job of maintaining control and relaxing through the contractions and trying all the things I had read about, but at this point I thought I was going to die.  I started whimpering but my nurse was amazing and helped keep me focused on getting through each one. Finally at around 1:00 am, Dr. Fisher arrived and I got the epidural. It actually didn't hurt AT ALL and the contraction pain started to subside. A few minutes later Dr. Womack came in and checked me to see what she thought.  She said that I could push if I wanted but that she really thought that it wasn't going to help and that it would be better to go ahead and do the c-section while Grayson's stats were still good and mine were too. I said "ok" because I trusted them and I was just ready to be done. So Dr. Fisher came back and pushed new "faster" meds into my epidural and they getting me ready for surgery. Brandon left to tell everyone what was happening and to get in his "HazMat" suit.

At this point, I wasn't even scared. I had always had a fear of having a c-section and major surgery and yes, it wasn't ideal, but I think it helped that it wasn't an emergency and I knew I was finally about to have my baby.  They prepped me and Brandon and I waited patiently behind the curtain listening to every sound around us but also trying to stay distracted. It felt so weird being able to feel everything they were doing but also not feeling any pain. Finally they said that I would feel some pressure and then they started talking about his big head and then we heard him cry. It was amazing. They talked about how they thought he had to be 8 or 9 lbs and then held him up for us to see. Brandon got to go over and watch him get cleaned up and I could see him from where I was laying. He ended up only being 7 lbs 13 oz even though Dr. Womack and Carrington couldn't believe it. Then they brought him over to me and let me touch and kiss his little cheeks. He was so precious and perfect and I still didn't feel like that could possibly be my baby, the one who had kicked and hiccuped and lived inside of me for 9 months.  I told Brandon to go with Grayson and he headed out to show him off through the nursery glass while they finished up my surgery. The c-section went so fast compared to everything else.  They wheeled me back to the room and finally brought me my baby. He started nursing immediately and our family and friends got to come back a few at a time to see him. It wasn't until about 4:00 in the morning that we actually laid down for some rest but it was the perfect ending to a long night.

Grayson Sheppard Hall was born at 1:36 am on 7-19-13 weighing 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long. He is perfect and even though it ended differently than I expected, it was still an amazing experience.

And here are a few pics....

 packed and ready for the hospital

Headed in!

Checked in and waiting to get started

feeling pretty miserable during labor

 

dressed and ready to head to surgery

a little nervous waiting on our baby to be born

our first family picture

kisses for my sweet son

daddy showing off our baby

 all our friends and family excited to finally see Grayson

finally getting to hold and nurse my sweet baby boy

Our Baby Boy

So today was the day that we went in for the big ultrasound!! And everything was wonderful. I was excited that my mom got to come with us this time and see how amazing it is to see everything on the screen. He was looking so cute. He was moving around for part of the ultrasound but he must've fallen asleep because she couldn't get him to move over to see his aorta. The technician said it wasn't a huge deal but we could look for it again if the doctor wanted us to which maybe that will just give us another sneak peek at our sweet baby :)

So I guess Dr. Womack will look over everything to make sure it all looks good but the technician said from what she saw everything looked good!

My friend Mallory who works at the Women's Center had me all nervous that they could've been wrong at Hope and that it could be a little girl - this apparently happened to one of her good friends. But we went in and she confirmed within about 10 seconds that we did indeed have a boy and proceeded to print out a few pics for proof. Here are some pictures of our handsome little guy.

the little black spot in the middle is his heart :) so precious.

Now on to what you're really here for....

We have decided on our son's name. Really we decided before we were even pregnant although at that point we weren't quite as settled. As soon as we started trying I had a list of names that I was ready to propose. I would just keep a little note on my phone full of baby names that I heard and liked. Every once in a while I would pull out the names and delete a few that I had changed my mind about or that Brandon didn't like and sometimes he would add a name. We really didn't even toss around that many ideas. I did know that I wanted to use Sheppard in a boy's name and we even thought briefly about it being a first name but it just didn't quite fit.  We basically had gotten set on our boy and our girl name pretty quickly although the girl name we weren't quite sure on. Let's say I was sure - Brandon was not. But her name would've been Reagan Jane.  Maybe we will have a Reagan one day :)

So about a week before our ultrasound Brandon decided maybe we weren't set and then he thought we'd know after we knew if our baby was a boy or girl. And then the day we found out he was a boy, Brandon admitted that we knew the name all along. Then it just became a matter of convincing Brandon to share. At first he wanted to save the name until he was born but then that meant that all my friends couldn't buy cute "G" stuff for our little guy. Since all the ladies at school are having boys, I convinced Brandon that I needed to put our name out there and "claim" it so he finally gave in.  He really gave in quite easily and then I felt a little guilty. But we finally shared it with a few friends and that made it easier to announce. And since today confirmed that our boy is a boy. We shall tell you...

our son's name is.......

Grayson Sheppard Hall

Ultrasound Tomorrow

So I just finished my new nightly routine of a bath before bed and I'm laying in my bed feeling totally relaxed and ready for the week! I hope this snow coming on Wednesday wraps up the winter season and it starts warming up! I'm ready for short sleeves and cute flats!

Anyway - tomorrow is our big ultrasound where they do all the measurements of our baby boy and check to see that everything is growing at a healthy rate.  They will also be confirming that he is in fact a boy :) After that - I will be posting our sweet son's name!! So check back tomorrow for that!

Please pray in agreement with us that everything is healthy with our little guy. Sometimes it's hard to keep that little fear out of the back of your mind. But all that aside I think this appointment is the one that I'm most excited about. Now that I know how amazing it is to see him move around on the ultrasound - I just absolutely can't wait! 

So until tomorrow.... :)

Good Advice, Good Deals, and Saturday Morning Yoga

I didn't expect such a response from yesterday's post!! I'm so thankful for people who love us and read this blog and for such great friends who responded with good advice. I know that the best advice that I've gotten is that I will be the mommy and whatever I feel is best for our family IS best but I still love getting advice from moms who have been there.  Good news is: all of the mommies that I listen to and love and trust will give me advice knowing that I may or may not make decisions differently than they did... and that's ok :)  So thanks to all the moms who care enough to share their experiences and advice!

After some disappointing online shopping yesterday I decided to go to Goodwill.  But first I met my handsome husband for lunch at Golden Corral. Yes, I did say Golden Corral. I've been forcing my asian cravings on him for multiple meals so I decided he deserved to pick where we went for lunch and it wasn't too bad. I basically just had a big veggie plate and a couple of their delicious yeast rolls. It's hard not to overdo it in there!

Anyways - on to Goodwill. I probably tried on close to 40 different things in there. I just kept going back and digging some more. I didn't have anything else to do on my snow day and if you know me - I love a good dig for a good deal. And it paid off!! I found some things that will work as maternity clothes! Sadly - their maternity section was pretty lame and I didn't find anything there but I looked through some of their medium and large clothes and found some cute shirts that will give some tummy room this spring/summer. It is really helpful that the current styles include baggy and flowy stuff.  8 shirts for $30 is a good deal!!!  I also borrowed a few things from my friend Joy that will definitely come in handy :)

Here's a pic of my new "maternity shirts" (ignore the wrinkles)

So, in the middle of posting this I decided that I didn't really want to put on my whole workout outfit and go to mom's to get on the elliptical and instead I decided to look up some youtube prenatal yoga videos!! Much to my surprise - I ended up doing 2 of them for a total of an hour and it was awesome!! I loved how they explained exactly how they were benefiting me and the baby and it really felt good to stretch and challenge myself.  I think they are really good to prepare for birth and I might as well get started now!
The two I watched are here and here. I liked the second one better because you could actually watch her move through the poses rather than just seeing pictures of the poses but I watched the first one first since it had so many views and it was still pretty great. :)
I'm hoping I will continue to do these a couple times a week. It's so nice to have our wii hooked up to our tv so I could just move the coffee table and get started :)

Baby Boy Stuff

So knowing that we're having a boy brings lots of excitement. and a lot of pressure. it's not like people are putting pressure on me but I put it on myself. you see - our sweet boy will be here in July and i'm ready for his room to be put together: everything in its place and everything that he needs (which is a TON of stuff) to all be here and put away in his nursery. I guess you would say i'm impatient.
so instead of driving myself nuts - i've been browsing pinterest and started my amazon registry for all the things little man will need.

Baby needs a lot.... and some of it is so EXPENSIVE.
*Crib: Brandon's amazing aunt Teresa has offered to buy our crib and I am really pumped about that!!
*Stroller/Carseat: the one I want is awesome but it's also expensive
*Bedding: Our nursery colors are gray and yellow and I picked out the bedding I would like to have.
*Breast Pump: I want to breastfeed more than anything. It seems overwhelming when I think about going back to work, because I do want/need to keep working, it will probably be hard to find time to pump. But I am going to do this. Hence - I need to find a great pump. I registered for the medela but my mother-in-law and i are working on this - we may go with a different one
*Baby Monitor: some people say it's ridiculous and we don't need it but after the input of several real-life moms we are going to go with the video :)

**and a lot of other little things...

Things we have...

*a dresser that will also serve as a changing table (thanks to Mrs. Julie)

*cloth diapers: I am buying these little by little and am determined to give them a good try. of course i will gladly take some disposables for all those times when cloth diapers will not be ideal but i really want this to work. and i don't mind laundry or the work that goes along with it. i just hope they work for baby's bottom :)

**and we already have some really cute clothes thanks to my sweet sister and some hand-me-downs

If you want to see some of the stuff I picked out... check it out here...

We (me and the grandmas) are going to the WeeCycle in Boone and the same type of deal in Fayetteville in the next couple weeks so I'm pretty excited about finding some good deals on used stuff. maybe a glider or a baby swing - things that I don't want to spend a LOT of money on but I kind of want.

I've also been looking for good maternity clothes for spring/summer and those are also expensive considering you wear them once - I'm all about hand-me-downs and hopefully I'll find some at these sales :)

obviously showers and all that fun won't come until later so until then - i will be patient.

We're Having a BOY!!!!

So it's been a week and a half since the big reveal and we have been getting very excited about our baby boy! The party was a huge success and was everything I had hoped it would be.

So I should start at the beginning - On Valentine's Day we headed to Hope Pregnancy Center to find out if we were having a baby boy or baby girl. We have both felt pretty sure that our baby was a boy from the beginning but I was also kind of thinking that maybe we would both leave giddy and excited and shocked that we were having a girl. I've heard both ways - parents who were "sure" and were right and people who were "sure" and were wrong.

So we get inside the ultrasound room and our technician Janet was the sweetest person you've ever met.  She quickly got started and there was our baby! It was the best feeling in the world to be looking at that screen. Sure - we'd seen the little peanut at 10 weeks and heard the heartbeat at about 14 weeks but now we were seeing hands and feet and a healthy spine and then there it was - unmistakable proof that our baby was indeed a boy. Brandon had decided only moments before that he wanted to go ahead and find out and when she said "Can you tell what you're looking at?" Brandon piped up real quick and said "We're having a boy?" She said that she thought so and then we continued to check out our little man from every possible angle. By the end she said that she couldn't be 100% sure but that she would also be surprised if it was a girl so I was pretty happy with her confidence! My favorite part was when she would talk to him and say "hello sweetie" and it was almost like he would look straight at us. Sometimes I get sad cause I really don't feel much of anything and everything I do feel I question so seeing him wiggling around was really reassuring.

So that began our 24 hours of knowing we were having a boy and not telling anyone. It was Valentine's Day so we ran a few errands and then ended up at our favorite restaurant Cafe Portofino for a delicious dinner and some quality conversation.  Then we headed home so I could clean the house and start my work on the cupcakes. Brandon hadn't really been feeling well so he crashed pretty early.

The cupcakes were pretty fun to make but they were very time consuming, and then I was worried that everyone would see the blue I tried to put in the middle because on a lot of them - the blue rose up to the top. I tried to conceal it with the icing but gave up on icing all of them about half way through because it was late and I knew I had to get up for school. I also knew I'd have a little bit of time to finish things before anyone came over on Friday.

Then Friday was here - the day of the big reveal! Many of the teachers at school said they could just look at me and tell it was a boy because of how much I was smiling. But I kept thinking - what if it was a girl?? I would be smiling so big for that too?? But anyways, most said they thought they knew - but I kept it in pretty well.

Prior to the party, we had a few slip ups with our sisters and my best friend. Brandon slipped up to Jamie and called him a "he" and I slipped up with Heidi when I was telling her I put blue in the cupcakes and Heidi slipped and told Katie when she said she was mad that she was wearing the wrong color (and she was wearing pink)

But other than that - we kept it together. I was pretty proud of myself for not telling my mom. I don't think I gave a thing away.

Finally 7:00 rolled around and our small cozy home was filled almost to overflow. I was a little nervous that we had invited about 40 people but it turned out to be just right. People stood up and talked or moved around and it was nice to see our house full of chatter and laughter and the people we loved. We also enjoyed getting to show of our house since many people hadn't seen the finished product!

The decorations ended up looking wonderful - much thanks to Joy, Hollie, Megan and Heidi for helping me get things together and bringing desserts!! We took some pictures and ate some desserts (not the cupcakes) and then when 7:30 rolled around we all couldn't take it much longer. We passed out cupcakes and everyone took a bite at the same time.  Such fun! Then all my sweet girlfriends screamed in excitement and there it was - we are having a boy!

My friend Joy said "we should do this for all things. Put a surprise in a cupcake and celebrate with friends." It really was so much fun!

Afterwards my sister gave us a present packed with boy stuff. She had bought both a girl and boy goodie bag of clothes and it was the sweetest thing! I pretty much pull out all the cute little outfits every day and imagine our son in them.

Here are a few pictures that Heidi took that captured one of the most fun nights I can remember!!

Boy or Girl?

So Thursday is the big day! I am so excited to find out. A while back, I started looking at how early  you can determine the gender and most people said the earliest was 16 weeks, so as I started to look at the calendar, I thought "what could be a better Valentine's date than finding out if we are having a son or daughter?" So, since I will be exactly 17 weeks, I'm hoping it will be successful! We are going to Hope Pregnancy Center because I can't bear the wait until March 4th to find out. I've had some teacher friends who have had great experiences there and the resource is there so why not? 

So, this Thursday at 3:30 we will get a peek at our sweet baby (which we haven't seen in almost 2 months!) and hopefully I will find out if we are having a girl or boy. Brandon has decided that he wants the surprise of finding out with all our family and friends, so I will be left to bear the secret alone for an entire 27 hours! I'm kinda excited about being the ONLY one who knows for a little bit, although I can't believe Brandon is choosing to wait. Lots of people have encouraged me to wait too - just to let the technician write it on a piece of paper - but I want to see for myself and let her point out all the little things that prove it.  

I'm a little nervous that they won't be able to tell. I'm still undecided on what to do if that happens - just go with their best guess? or tell everyone at our party that we still don't know and we'll have the reveal party part 2 in a few weeks?? I'm leaning towards telling the technician to take their best guess and we'll just go with it.

Thursday night will be spent on a traditional date out with my husband - maybe dinner and sweet frog? and then we will come back home so I can bake the cupcakes! I'm planning on putting pink or blue in the center accordingly and then I will have to very carefully hide the evidence from Brandon. 

I have already pre-decided that I'm going to wear all blue this week. Take note of this if you're going to read into my outfit choice on Friday.  Everyone is wearing pink or blue to the reveal based on their best guess but I will be wearing blue no matter what happens. I've decided that is my best guess - I think it's a boy although heart rate was 155 and all the quizzes and fun gender predictions have given conflicting results. So I will wear a little blue all week in hopes that I'm right and if I'm wrong - I will be equally delighted - but still wearing blue on Friday :)

GOSH - I can't wait for Friday. Although I'm pumped for Thursday - I can't wait for Friday. I know school Friday will be the hardest. They will all want to know if I know? and what is it? and are you happy with what it is? (which the answer will be "OF COURSE")  Good thing my kids don't know that I'm even going to find out on Thursday or Friday would be torture listening to them beg to know before I've even told Mr. Hall. I will not be telling anyone (sorry mom). My excuse - "BABY'S DADDY DOES NOT EVEN KNOW!"

And then 7 pm will finally come and our home will fill with the people who love us the most and it will be fun to finally show off our house. And I can just feel the giddy excitement that I will be experiencing as we all hang out and wait for the big moment where we pass out the cupcakes and everyone finds out the answer to the big question I feel like I've been waiting forever for - BOY or GIRL??

Our House Pictures

Well this post is long overdue!! But FINALLY here are a few pictures of our home. If you know me, you know that I wanted everything to be in place and "perfect" before I posted some pictures. Now that we've finally gotten a few things on the walls I feel better about showing it off. :)

Stairs coming up and the hallway beside the kitchen.

Kitchen

Dining Room and Living Room - we only lack an entertainment center

Hallway to our Bedroom - Laundry closet is on the left

Future Nursery - right now it's holding all of Brandon's 

music stuff which will (hopefully) soon be put downstairs

Guest Bathroom

Our Bedroom

 Other Side - and our closet

Our Bathroom

Pregnancy Moments So Far!

So, we took the test and found out we were pregnant on Monday, November 19th - which was just a few days before Thanksgiving.  And we kept it a secret for at least a couple weeks before realizing that we needed to tell our family and know that even if we were to lose another one that we would need those people to help encourage us anyway.  As we made it to 6 weeks for the first time and then to 8 weeks and had our first appointment we finally let ourselves get excited.  We were close to 9 weeks at Christmas and decided to tell our extended family over Christmas.  I'll let these videos show how wonderful it was to tell the extended family... :)

telling Ma Ma and the Hall's :)

telling Nanny and Pa Pa and all the Robinson's :)

Then, on New Year's Eve - we got to see our little peanut for the first time. He/She did a little wiggling and moving around and we even caught it on video. Gosh - I could watch this over and over. How cool that at only 10 weeks you can see all this?

On January 28th we had another appointment and got to hear the heartbeat. Our midwife said that the heartbeat was around 155 - 160 bpm and that baby was very active and moving around. (Ignore the video part - it's just a picture of my sweater :)

A few belly pics:

13 weeks 

14 weeks

15 weeks

Coming up: we'll get to find out the gender on FEBRUARY 14th!! :) 

Can't wait!

Our Pregnancy Story

So, it's been a while since blogging but reading a few blogs and having a few snow days has given me the inspiration to get back into it! Plus, looking back, I love that you can see the progress of our year and I don't want to forget any of this year... the year our baby will arrive!!

Our pregnancy story really started back in July although I didn't get pregnant until October.  All last year I had told Brandon that I really wanted to start trying to have a baby in July (that way we would have an April baby and I could take my 8 weeks of leave from school and then spend the whole summer with our baby) Although it didn't work out quite that way, we still started trying in July - my birthday to be exact.  We were both so excited and nervous to be thinking that we could be pregnant!

Enter July 20th - I couldn't hardly wait until I could take a test so I took one probably a little too early - but I knew I could see a faint line. Could we already be pregnant? I waited a couple days - the line got a little darker and we just knew we were already pregnant! It was the most exciting and scary thing ever.  I was ecstatic and Brandon was too. Of course - being a first time pregnant lady - I decided that I just had to tell just a couple people (my sister and a few days later my parents) and then Brandon's parents were coming a few days later to visit and I told Brandon "I want to tell them in person... should we do it now or wait until August?" and we decided to go ahead and tell them and they were ecstatic too.

A couple days later I knew something was wrong and called the nurse.  She said it could be an early pregnancy that just didn't last. (Lots of reasons can cause the pregnancy to end on its own very early - hence most people waiting until 12 weeks to announce pregnancies). So I took another pregnancy test and it confirmed that we had a very early miscarriage. I was so heartbroken. I mean - I had literally only known about the baby for a week but all my hopes were crushed and my perfect April 1st due date just went down the drain. Not only that - but we had to tell our family that we were not in fact pregnant any more and it was just really sad. I was so ready to be pregnant. It was also hard cause it's not something you want to tell people - you just hold it inside and pretend it never happened. I mean - if I wouldn't have insisted on taking a test so early in the first place - would I have even known about this baby starting to grow inside me? And plus - some people lose babies way later on - when they know the sex and they've told everyone and all that. That's way worse.  But it was still a very real loss for me.

After that I pulled myself together and decided to be thankful that at least I knew that I could get pregnant. And we tried again. When it happened again at the end of August - positive test and then a negative test - I knew something was up. This shouldn't be happening and I can't bear it happening over and over. September came with no positive test and at least it didn't bring the disappointment of losing another baby.  When October came - I had my annual visit with my midwife and I told her what had been happening. She said she thought it was a hormonal thing and put me on progesterone and we kept trying.

The next month - PREGNANT!! This time - we were hesitant to be excited and tell anyone but I really trusted that God was answering prayers.  Little did I realize how much God had been building my faith to trust in Him.  Yes, I still had to overcome the fear of losing another baby, but during this time I did trust that God knew me best and knew our baby best and that God was going to do what was ultimately His plan anyway.  The unrelenting and unnecessary worry was fading.

Today is February 2, 2013 and I am officially 15.5 weeks. We have seen our baby and heard his/her healthy heartbeat and I can't help but look back and be so thankful.  God is faithful even when we don't understand His ways.  July 25th is the perfect due date for us in ways that we probably don't even know.  I would probably be freaking out about an April 1st due date while we're still trying to settle into our house. I know His timing is perfect and even though it completely sucked to have to go through losing some really early babies I'm glad that it all worked out the way it did. I'm more grateful now for this healthy person inside of me than maybe I would be. And I'm thankful for the people around us who walked with us through it.