Sitting on my couch right now, I just need a moment to be sad. I need a place to let it out whether anyone cares to read this or not. Two of my favorite people in the world now live in Charlotte. That's 2 hours away. I'm not ok with this. I'm so sad. And tomorrow I have to go back to work. After a beautiful wonderful summer with everyone in Boone and long easy days with Grayson, I have to leave him every morning and hope that someone else does a great job of teaching him most of what he will know.
I don't want to hold back the people I love. I don't want me being sad to make them feel sad. Of course I know that Jamie is going to be an amazing accountant. She already has the cutest apartment in the world, lives in a safe place and has a POOL! She has already got involved with her church and is loving it and is also getting to spend time with our family in Charlotte. I know she's going to have an amazing year (or five), get lots of cool presents from her office, and still come see us all the time. Christi is going to fall in love with a bunch of 9 year old kids (and hopefully a guy) and she's going to find a church to keep growing in and new coworkers to subtly preach to just by being like Jesus. She will keep laughing all day and (hopefully) telling me the funniest things her students say. She will keep running and group texting and I'll barely even know she's 2 hours away.
BUT, what I really want is my sister to be across the yard. I want her to walk into my house without knocking because she knows that makes Layla go crazy. I want the one who doesn't mind to go to Walmart with me when I just want company. I want Grayson's Aunt Jamie to be the one spoiling him all the time. I want us to work on craft projects together and I want her closet to pick through. I want her telling me she's going to get Grayson from nursery and leading worship at our church. I want Christi five minutes down the road. I want her telling me that Grayson is the cutest baby all the time (even though she says that about all the cute babies). I want her encouraging me and always meaning it. I want her to jump at any mention of a fire and s'mores. I want to meet her on the greenway after work for a run and her telling me I'm superwoman for pushing the jogger 5 miles. I want to snuggle on each other's couches and go sledding on snow days.
And tomorrow I want to wake up with no alarm clock - just the sound of my baby's first whimpers that he needs me.
I know I should be enjoying today. But right now, as Grayson is napping, I think I deserve a good cry. I will cry about it and then I'll pick myself up and enjoy my last day.
I know it will be an awesome year. There will still be football games with my best friends, tailgates, and LOTS of weekends where Jamie and Christi will drive up for the weekend or Grayson and I will drive down. Grayson will enjoy being with Mrs. Sam and the other kids and will learn so much from them. I will still have the most wonderful evenings and weekends watching Grayson play, singing and reading to him and enjoying a bath and bedtime routine. We will enjoy holidays traveling to visit families and snow days snuggling at home. I will fall in love with 22 precious kids and even on the days they drive me crazy, I will be so glad that I get to be their teacher.
Sometimes it's weird going through transition. You don't want to feel hopeless and you don't want people to think the world revolves around you. You kinda feel like you should just smile and pretend you're ok - or just actually be ok. It's not that big of a deal right? But then - your mind starts going and you can't help it. Better just to get it out right? I really don't know. But that's just that.
