EOG's and Emotions

     This week has been a little emotional. In good ways and in sad ways.  This week my precious, wonderful third graders took their first EOGs. They have worked hard all year - and some have struggled - and it came down to putting what they know to the test.  I know it's not all about the test - nor should it be - but it's still a big deal. It's a big deal to the kids, to their parents, and to me.  They began by filling out background information Monday. Then they began the LONG mornings of testing with reading on Tuesday, math with a calculator Wednesday, and math without a calculator Thursday. Being a new teacher, I didn't really know what to expect with the results.  I had glanced around as my students took the tests and felt that they had been well prepared for the content.  On Thursday afternoon, I told my kids that I was so proud of them (They earned a total of 15 jewels in our Jewel Jar just from the EOGs) and how I knew they had worked their hardest. I told them not to expect their scores too soon. I thought they wouldn't get them until the report was sent home with report cards on the last day and that I would only be notifying the kids who hadn't passed. I told them that if they hadn't passed, that it was OK. It doesn't mean that they're not as smart. We talked about how we were like a family and how we would support each other if some students didn't pass. I also told them that it really never happened that everyone in the whole class passes. I just wanted them to be prepared. I wanted to prepare myself.  My kids are all so awesome and especially with the pressure from their parents and peers on their first EOG - I just wanted them to understand it was OK.
       Literally, just as we're finishing this conversation and moving on to finishing up an art project and spending the afternoon outside, I get a knock on my door. My principal asks to see me in the hall. I excuse myself and Mr. Sukow asks me "How many do you think will need to retake?" I was flustered and said "Do you mean how many students? Or how many tests? or what?" He said "Just a number - what do you think?" I thought for a moment before responding with "6." I didn't know what to say. I wanted to expect the best but I also know how reading was a struggle for a few and math was a struggle for another few and another few I just didn't know if test taking was their forte.  Mr. Sukow just grinned from ear to ear and said "No- you had 100% passing!" I just said "Really?" and then "I might cry." He hugged me and told me how proud he was and I just stood in shock. I mean - maybe it's not that big of a deal - but no, it really IS a big deal. My kids are AWESOME. They worked hard and it paid off. As he walked away I said "Can I tell them?" and he said "No, not yet." So then I stood there thinking - how in the world do I walk back in there? I just told them there is no way they all passed and now they did and all I want to do is go dance for joy and love on all of them. So instead, I quietly walked in, thanked them for waiting and we proceeded to go outside.
      Luckily I was able to talk to a few other teachers about it.  I almost started crying all over again when talking to Martha. I think this whole thing just reminded me of how much I love my kids. I love them like they are all mine and I am so proud of them.  I think that's when all the emotion really got started. Since then, every time I remember that there is only 9 1/2 days in this school year and that I don't know where I'll be in the county next year, I just start to get really emotional. I wish more than ANYTHING that I could just go to 4th grade with these kids. I know that's not how it works and I'm thankful that they will all have one of my best friends as a teacher next year... but I'm just still so sad. It went by too fast and maybe I took some days for granted.  We really are a family in my room.  We love each other and encourage each other and support each other.  I have the sweetest girls of all time - who don't leave each other out but take the time to get to know each other. My boys are fun and athletic but still work really hard when it comes down to it.  I know I have about 30 years of teaching left in me - but this group is going to be hard to beat.
      The next day I got to tell them all their scores.  It was so exciting for Mr. Sukow to walk in and tell them that they ALL passed. When talking about it - they all said that they were scared they would have to retake it.  I'm just so excited for them. I'm excited that they get to celebrate with each other and their parents and I'm excited that this week we will all be together - with no one having to sit through that long test again.
      On Friday evening my emotions got stirred one more time at the Going Away Dinner for Anna Wilcox.  We all went around and said what Anna meant to us and I knew I wasn't going to make it when I cried over almost everyone else's speeches.  I looked at Kate next to me and said "it's just one of  those days where everything's going to make me cry" When it came my turn - I did pretty good until the very end. Anna is one of the most wonderful people I know.  I don't know if I will realize how much I'm going to miss her until I don't see her three or four times a week like I'm used to.  She loves people and enjoys life.  She makes people laugh and makes light of situations that could get tight.  She encourages those around her and is not afraid to ask questions and just be real with people. I have learned so much from her over the past four years. I always want to stand next to her in case something funny happens or I don't know my part. She is an AMAZING and anointed worshipper.  She is going to bless people in Durham like crazy.  I am sad for me but I know and believe that she is doing what God is calling her to do. I know it can't be easy to leave all these people who love her but I am encouraged that she would do the tough thing and follow God's leading.
     At the end of my speech - where I said most of these things to Anna - I just start crying hard. I knew it was coming but it's just been waiting for a moment. Sweet Kate just loved on me and helped distract me from the silliness of it all.  She asked me first "Is everything ok?" knowing that I shouldn't be crying like this right now.  And of course - everything is great. It really is. We are building a house and everything is going smoothly.  We are approaching summer and I can't wait to enjoy time doing art projects and finding out what I'm going to be doing next year.  I am blessed with health and life and all my kids passed their EOGs - remember?? I guess sometimes you just need a cry. And that's ok. :)