Letters to my Boys

Brandon,
You are the most amazing daddy. Thank you for all your encouragement during this pregnancy. From the moment we found out about anti-E you have been reassuring and supportive. Thank you for praying with me and easing my fears. Thank you especially for the last few weeks where you've made yourself more available than ever - even in a season where you are juggling so much. I am so proud of you. You are a wonderful husband, a wonderful daddy, a wonderful friend, a wonderful real estate agent. I could not love you more. I can't wait to start this next chapter with you.

Leslie

Grayson,

I can't believe you are becoming a big brother. It only seems like yesterday they put you in my arms. I fall in love with you more every day. Your giggles and smiles, the way you repeat everything, even your feisty independence. You amaze me at the things you remember and how smart you are. I know things will change but I know you will love being a big brother. I couldn't imagine life without my little sister and I know you will be the same. Thanks for making me a mommy and for telling me that you love me. You will always be my baby. I love you.

Mommy

Bennett,

I can't believe that I will meet your sweet face so soon. You are already so loved. You have been so active this pregnancy and it reassures me that you are strong and ready to meet us. You are going to be a part of a family that is on-the-go and fun and busy and I hope you are ready for it! We can't wait to watch you grow and learn the things that make you special. We love you so much!
Mommy

Countdown to Bennett: 11 days

I will meet my second son in 11 days. In 11 days I will not be pregnant. In 11 days our lives will change. There will be some things I will miss about being pregnant and some things I won't and there are some things I'm looking forward to and some things that I'm dreading a little because I remember it from last time. It's all pulling me in different directions. I am so excited to meet Bennett yet I don't want to wish away these last 11 days of our family of 3. So I'm stretching out every moment by being thankful for them and being honest about the things I will miss and the things I won't - the things I'm looking forward to and those I am not. Here are a few of them:

I will miss:
- feeling Bennett kick and the constant hiccups
- an excuse to have a big belly
- the "me-time" hours that I have between when G goes to bed and when I go to bed

I will not miss:
- waking up to pee 2 or 3 times a night
- counting my carbs and checking my blood sugar
- the acne on my back
- swollen feet and calves
- the extra weight
- driving to Hickory every two weeks

I am looking forward to:
- seeing Bennett's sweet face and KNOWING he is healthy
- wearing my normal clothes (and shoes!)
- our family and friends coming to meet Bennett
- babywearing our sweet boy
- nursing
- enjoying an entire summer with all three of my boys

I am not looking forward to:
- the month-or-two-long period
- the soreness that is going to come from surgery and starting to nurse again
- pumping
- the lack of sleep
- not being able to pick grayson up

Daddy

I just have to take a moment to say how much I love my husband. I loved him before but seeing him grow as a daddy just makes me love him all the more. Brandon is so good with our boy. He started out not knowing anything about babies and kids but now Grayson is almost two and there could not be a more perfect daddy for him.

Brandon is so silly and fun. He keeps me from being smothering in my protectiveness. He wrestles Grayson and has him flipping upside down while letting all his little giggles out. He plays outside for hours with Grayson and has him doing all the things he's doing - throwing wood on the fire, riding the four wheeler or the lawn mower, feeding the chickens, and digging in the dirt. Grayson is one lucky little boy and I am one lucky mommy. We love daddy.

Only 4 weeks

I found out earlier this week that my doctors in Hickory and my doctors in Boone definitely want me to deliver at 37 weeks. Since I requested that Dr. Womack do my c-section (since she did my first and she's awesome) I thought I would have to wait until her on-call day the week after I turned 37 weeks but i also knew that the next week was when Carrington (my favorite midwife) was not going to be in Boone.

I told Carrington a while back that it looked like the timing might be off and she told me it would be fine if she wasn't there and although I guess that's true - she's just been there through it all: through my first few very early miscarriages, my pregnancy with grayson, the hours of labor and even through the unexpected c-section, losing a baby last spring,  getting pregnant again, telling me that i have this anti-E thing but that we'd figure it out together, and now - Bennett is almost here and I just wanted her there.

So they call me and say that I will deliver at 37 weeks - to the day. that means a friday. and they say that another doctor is on call but is there someone that i would like to request. and of course I say dr. womack and she says she'll check to see if she can do that. and low and behold - she calls back an hour later confirming that dr. womack will do the c-section and that carrington will be there to assist!! Praise! I'm so excited.

So the big day is coming. May 29th. Less than four weeks now. That's four weekends. 27 days. I'm just amazed at how fast it came. They chopped off 3 weeks. Not a June 19th baby. Not even a June baby. A May baby. I'm so excited and nervous.

This weekend has been perfect. The perfect time with our family of three. Breakfast at Melanie's, time with friends, lots of playing outside. I'm so thankful.

I know the next four weeks are going to fly by. There are just so many things going on in may: mother's day, my baby brunch celebration, hopefully a trip to charlotte for some relaxing by the pool, our 5th anniversary...
and then there's all the stuff that has to be done at school: math assessments, reading assessments, report cards, field trips.

It all makes me so excited. But I want to take it all in. Every moment. Every kick in my belly, every moment with just me and Grayson, the long stretches of sleep (although they pretty much always include a potty break).

Pray for us. Pray that Bennett's every cell is ready and developed for May 29th. Pray that he doesn't need a thing when he's born except to be in my arms and nurse. Pray that my body handles surgery well and recovers quickly. Pray that Grayson knows how much he is loved even during a time where I'm not able to pick him up or give him undivided attention. Less than four weeks until we're a family of four!

the good makes the bad not so bad

the good:

- grayson's new words (there are new ones every day)

- afternoon walks with my boy and my mom

- unexpected sunshine - they have called for rain and clouds every day this week and yet every day the sun has made its appearance. praise Jesus.

- flipflops

- bennett's continued health and growth - no signs of anemia today at our appointment! yay!

- 3D pictures of bennett - another boy that looks like his daddy!

- group texts with my best friends

- going to bed early

- painted finger nails and toenails

the not so bad:

i have gestational diabetes.  which means i have to plan my meals, write down everything i eat, count my carbs, and stick myself four times a day to check my blood sugar. but it could be so much worse. i'm praying that during these first few weeks of planning and monitoring that i will be able to keep my sugar levels under control and that i won't need insulin. for a healthy baby - it will all be worth it :)

My Big Boy & His First Night in the Toddler Bed

When did Grayson get so big? I think it might have been last night. Although the past week or so he has been so funny. He has been repeating our every word (except most of the time he refuses to try "love you") and has become so determined. If he makes up his mind that he wants something or wants to try something, he has a hard time forgetting it. I can see where the terrible twos are slowly approaching. We try to remind him not to cry over what he wants but to tell us - but that's hard too since he can't say everything he wants - so we model, model, model.

Anyways - last night our toddler baby took another big step towards growing up. On the drive home I basically decided his bigger (mostly 18 month clothes) needed to be pulled out of the closet along with his summer stuff and that some of the 6 and 9 month things that were still in his drawer needed to be put away. But along with this - I decided we needed to go ahead and rearrange his room and put the toddler bed in there. And of course - I didn't stop there. Once it was all set up and ready to go - I figured Grayson might as well go ahead and make the leap to sleeping in the toddler bed.

So Grayson's room has now become Grayson AND Bennett's room. I'm actually surprised at how spacious it still looks. I did have to move the glider out to the living room but I figured that would be ok anyways because I don't want to disturb Grayson by nursing and rocking Bennett in their room while he's sleeping. Anyways - I'm so excited that I can finally see how my boys will share the space. I guess my nesting is kicking in a little early this time around.

So here's how bedtime went:

8:00 comes. I'm thinking maybe this is a bad idea but I take Grayson to his new bed and lay him down and I sit on his little bed with him. He immediately started crying and looking around like "you're not seriously going to leave me here, are you?" but I just pushed through and started to say our prayers. I just kept wiping away his little tears and telling him he was fine. Then here comes daddy to the door. Daddy says "I'll talk with him." like he's a 13-year-old to reason with? But regardless - he sits on the bed with him and tells me to turn out the light. So I snap a picture, kiss him goodnight, and sneak off to the living room to wait it out. A few minutes later Brandon comes out and I ask if he's already sleeping. He says "no, he's just laying there." which is what he always does. He's not crying so I just silently pray that he stays there and falls asleep. Sure enough 15 minutes later I sneak in to check and he is asleep. My sweet toddler baby has become more toddler and less baby.

He did wake up once at around 1:00 and cried a bit because his paci wasn't with him. I also think he was hungry because he gulped down lots of milk. Daddy laid him back down and he slept until I woke him up packing my lunch at about 6:45.

All in all - it was so easy. Too easy really. I'm still mentally preparing for this not to work - but for now - he's doing so great! I still need to find out what daddy is telling him when he tucks him in. It must be something good. :)

Our boy's room

B's side

G's side

Testing out the new bed

Daddy having his "talk"

Morning Success!!

25 weeks pregnant

I love this stage. I know it's going to get worse. I will start swelling in my hands and feet, my face will get fat, I will get up 100 times to pee every night. I will get heartburn and indigestion and being on my feet all day at school will start to get really hard. 

But for now, I'm loving this pregnancy. Bennett is kicking and squirming constantly and I feel pretty energetic still (minus the time change). I still like some of my clothes and I can still wear my toms :) Life is good.

I still am having to go every two weeks to Hickory to see Maternal Fetal Medicine and it's looking like I will get to go about 6 more times before Bennett gets here. It's annoying and expensive and it makes me nervous every time, but I am so thankful that my numbers have stayed pretty steady.  

On Friday at the doctor - Bennett weighed in at 1 lb 12 oz and was growing perfectly on track. There was no concerning excess fluid and the rate of flow of his blood confirms that he's not becoming anemic. We did discuss my birthing options. It's something that I've been really concerned about lately. And although I still don't know anything for sure - it is looking like Bennett might be making his appearance closer to 37 weeks. I will opt for the c-section this time even though sometimes I still wish I could have my all-natural vaginal birth. It's most likely that it will be safer for him to be a couple weeks early rather than to stay in longer and possibly be more severely jaundiced or anemic which would lead to the need for a blood transfusion. And although VBACs are becoming more popular, I don't know that I can go through 2 hours of pushing only to be forced into a c-section anyway all over again.

The other concern I have is where I will deliver. I want to deliver at Watauga but it's kind of unsettling that there isn't a NICU should the need arise so we may be opting to deliver in Hickory just so I will feel better. But I guess this is another wait-and-see kind of thing. Patience. Because at any ultrasound things could change the plan anyway. And maybe the ultrasounds will make me feel better. They will check out every part of this little guy to make sure it's safe for him to come into the world. But regardless - it is looking like my June baby may be a May baby and that both excites and terrifies me.